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Sunday, 26 September 2004
When your heart chooses for you
Mood:
 not sure
My partner took a day off today, and I accompanied him to the doctors. While waiting for him to have something or rather attended to (it was too crowed to have both me and the nurse in there lol) I read an article in amagazine about a fifty year old man and his struggles to be both Christian and gay. The popular christian attitute is that you make the choice to be gay. I don't agree with that. I don't think you choose to BE gay. Maybe you make the choice whether or not to act on those feelings, but theres no way you choose whether or not to HAVE those feelings. And as for your upbringing or being bullied making you gay.... well, I think that's bullshit. Anyway, this poor man wanted to be a minister, but failed to see how you can be a christian minister and be attracted to guys. When he confided his problem to the head of his church, they first 'exorcized' him, and then sent him to christian rehab! A friend of mind was 'exorcised' but she actually had more problems afterwards than beforehand! And so it was with this man. He had to confess every small and large sin, and then the exorcist grabbed him and yelled at the demons to come out. Four months later, he was off to rehab, where they sorted out his underwear, and watched him every minute of the day. He actually married, had kids, preached for a living.... but all the while the feelings he tried so hard to supress were growing inside of him, driving him crazy. Eventually, something had to give. He divorced his wife, and has discovered that he can have loving relationships with men. His wife have remarried, he has written a book, and his daughters love him and are proud of him. To accomplish this, after thirty years of hating this flaw inside of him, fighting it down because it was either be gay, or have faith, he has taken to researching the bible and such things, and discovered mis-translations. He says he can't discover anywhere that god really said it was wrong. I don't know about that, but I'm happy he found some sort of peace. To me, a god that create you as you are, but then doesn't love you because of what you are, is not a god I want anything to do with, or would if I elieved in him, which I don't. I think christianity is very restrictive. It teaches you to hate parts of yourself, to live your life according to others and a set text rather than by what your heart tells you is right for you. Fifty years of living a lie? No thank you.
Posted by thesebeautifulscars
at 4:02 PM
Tuesday, 21 September 2004
I think certain concepts have passed me by.
Mood:
 blue
So, I've been thinking. I went to the doctor today, and questioned him about the huge angry lump that has sprung up on my back where he dug out a mole. He told me not to worry, it was just a Kenoid, which is excess tissue. Then he said he wouldn't like to operate on me, since that will happen everytime. Apparently it will start looking better in two to three years. Heh, won't be wearing a bikini top for a while. Anyway, what made me start thinking was that he was a bit puzzled, because according to him, it's unusual for a white person to be a kenoider. He said "It mostly happens to negroes" It was odd, because I thought, "to what? oh... black people." And thats whats weird to me. These labels. The political correctness that only emphasizes our perceived differences. Grouping people like that seems dodgy to me. I mean, you can group people like, 'those people like to read, and that group of people need coffee before you talk to them in the morning' but putting people into groups of 'those are white people and those are black people' seems irrelevant to me, because it doesn't illuminate anything about them, it doesn't really tell me who they are, or what they are like. I like to write, and I have a quick temper, those things are part of who I am, the things that make me, me. Without them, I swouldn't be me. But if the only difference was that I had darker skin, I'd still be me, the same person I am now. So why do people need to make an issue of it? Why stereotype people by the colour of their skin? It doesn't change who the are inside, whether they are good or kind or compassionate, or anything of those things. All it does is put a wall up between you, and some people that you might like, if you looked beneath the skin that is a different colour from yours.
Black people, white people, yellow people, purple people, green people... the important word is 'people'.
Posted by thesebeautifulscars
at 8:42 PM
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