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Beautiful Mistake

Sunday, 26 September 2004

When your heart chooses for you
Mood:  not sure
My partner took a day off today, and I accompanied him to the doctors. While waiting for him to have something or rather attended to (it was too crowed to have both me and the nurse in there lol) I read an article in amagazine about a fifty year old man and his struggles to be both Christian and gay. The popular christian attitute is that you make the choice to be gay. I don't agree with that. I don't think you choose to BE gay. Maybe you make the choice whether or not to act on those feelings, but theres no way you choose whether or not to HAVE those feelings. And as for your upbringing or being bullied making you gay.... well, I think that's bullshit. Anyway, this poor man wanted to be a minister, but failed to see how you can be a christian minister and be attracted to guys. When he confided his problem to the head of his church, they first 'exorcized' him, and then sent him to christian rehab! A friend of mind was 'exorcised' but she actually had more problems afterwards than beforehand! And so it was with this man. He had to confess every small and large sin, and then the exorcist grabbed him and yelled at the demons to come out. Four months later, he was off to rehab, where they sorted out his underwear, and watched him every minute of the day. He actually married, had kids, preached for a living.... but all the while the feelings he tried so hard to supress were growing inside of him, driving him crazy. Eventually, something had to give. He divorced his wife, and has discovered that he can have loving relationships with men. His wife have remarried, he has written a book, and his daughters love him and are proud of him. To accomplish this, after thirty years of hating this flaw inside of him, fighting it down because it was either be gay, or have faith, he has taken to researching the bible and such things, and discovered mis-translations. He says he can't discover anywhere that god really said it was wrong. I don't know about that, but I'm happy he found some sort of peace. To me, a god that create you as you are, but then doesn't love you because of what you are, is not a god I want anything to do with, or would if I elieved in him, which I don't. I think christianity is very restrictive. It teaches you to hate parts of yourself, to live your life according to others and a set text rather than by what your heart tells you is right for you. Fifty years of living a lie? No thank you.


Posted by thesebeautifulscars at 4:02 PM

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